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Managing Teenagers - Part II
Topics: teenagers, grief, parenting
Posted by marci4tony Wed Nov 7, 2007 08:40:18 MST
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0 responses 1 comment Well, this is a follow up to the miserable weekend post from Monday.  My hopes are that someone else that is frustrated will get a chuckle and some insight from this perspective of parenting. 

After a pretty good couple of days at home with the teenagers-from-you-know-where, my analytical mind has been spinning around in circles.  So, I have decided to do a little research.
 
Perhaps, it can be said, that raising teenagers can be likened to a grief event.  The 5 steps to recovery are listed as 1) Shock, followed by denial 2) Anger, rage, envy, resentment 3) Bargaining with God 4) Depression 5) Ultimate acceptance.  So, I compare my journey to those steps.

Again, at the Jr. Highs’ teachers’ expense, the Shock and Denial have been happening for the past couple of years.  Now, my kid is NOT a bad kid.  When he would get detention, it was for something petty compared to what is possible.  I will never forget the day when the assistant principal in Burley called me and told me I had a child in trouble for giving some poor unsuspecting soul…a NUCLEAR WEDGIE!  I kind of chuckled under my breath and told him that we’d handle this at home.  Last year, I get a phone call from a Jr High teacher stating my child was being rude and disrespectful.  I asked what was he doing…she stated – He is passing gas, fanning it around and laughing about it. WELL!  These are battles I prefer as compared to what may be out there.  Now, he’s in High School – This time, he got sent to PASS – which is a form of in school suspension, and he didn’t like it ONE BIT! (Good)  He was caught in between a couple of other class-mates in WW3…rubber band style!!  And the sub did not find it as funny as my son did.  So she sent him to PASS along with the other warlords.

Ok, ok – I see a pattern here…more of the class clown than the trouble maker, but disruptive nonetheless.  So, I have a talk with him about being “goofy” and “funny” at select and proper times…and making sure that he wont be embarrassed or back in PASS if he gets caught.  For what its worth, it is funny…

Now what I experienced over the weekend may fall under the Anger, Rage, Envy (well, not envy!!) and Resentment category.  For every parent that has dealt with a difficult child that has wanted to throw in the towel, demand a refund or deep-fry the stork that left you with this two-legged brain-dead alien, you can probably see the parallels with a grief event.  (Unfortunately, MY bargaining with God is NOT what one would expect!!)  And I will NEVER succumb to DEPRESSION – I’m to happy of a person to worry about that – especially because I know that its (depression) out there waiting for me to walk that plank!

I’m going to go purchase 3 journals over the weekend – one for each child.  I’m going to write everything I can possibly think of in there.  I certainly have a lot to remembering to do, and I hope trying to find something POSITIVE to write about within that will not cause an aneurysm!  One day, these completed books may be therapeutic for my grown children raising their own teenagers!  Or not!  But I can have some fun venting in there, too!  I honestly don’t believe that kids understand nor appreciate their parents until they have kids of their own.  I know I didn’t, and I let my Mother (I lost my Father in 99 to cancer) as often as possible that I was sorry for being such a turd as a kid!  She simply laughs, now – But I know that half of her grey hair is MINE, ALL MINE!!!

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Comment From: Kerrberr2

Well I feel your pain. My son is 18 and graduated (THANK THE LORD ABOVE) last May. I have really been trying to figure him out for so many years. I went from being the only person in his world to the one person he doesn't want in his world to now being allowed in his world but only when it is allowed. It becomes a stuggle for me at times since I have been a single mom almost all of his life. He believes he is an adult now and legally yes he is, but until he becomes responsible and living on his own I won't give up. I know my son will be a great man someday, I just don't know if I will be alive to see it. HA HA No seriously I have a good kid, he is just not ready for the responsibility of being an adult yet. Maybe I expect too much? You tell me.