Every year some distant relative says, “I love your Christmas family photo cards! When will we get your new one?” I sigh a heavy sigh and cry a little because I know what it entails to actually make those perfect family photo cards happen.
A week in advance I have the “Picture Day Talk” with my family, which goes like this: “Ok, guys, next week is picture day, (Audible groans all around.) so practice your smiles and don’t you dare do anything to get a black eye! Also, don’t eat any apples, we want that loose tooth to stay in your mouth another few days.”
I’ve tried to find the magic time for the appointment. Not too early, please, I need several hours to get everyone ready. Before mealtimes when children are hungry, and right after lunch is not good either. It is a proven fact, faced with the prospect of pictures, children cannot help but spill something on themselves. Too close to naptime and they may be tired. Two years ago our youngest son slept through all his pictures, the next year he just cried the whole time from exhaustion. I give up! Personally I think the best time is in January. The pressure we feel at Christmas time to get everything done is off and you have a whole year to recover. It will take that long to get your Christmas photo cards back, get them addressed, mailed and actually pay off the bill. (Have you priced portrait studios lately?)
Finally the dreaded picture day arrives. I am up early (our appointment is at 1:30 p.m.) trying to get everyone ready. I have learned the hard way you must not make children try to wear clothing they do not like. Hence those cute red matching sweaters with Santa on the front that I love so much are out. Really, don’t do it, you will be sorry if you try to force a 5 year old in meltdown mode into one of those things. Once I get the children fed, bathed, and dressed, I let them watch cartoons and hope they don’t move for an hour while I try to pull myself together. True to form, I will find I have a huge pimple, and my hair decides to be completely unruly. I try desperately to hide the dark circles under my eyes, and somehow look miraculously 10 years younger.
Once we finally arrive at the studio, there is the agonizing task of deciding what backgrounds, props, and settings we want. At this time we realize the studio overbooks appointments and we must now wait for another hour. By the time we get in, my nerves are frayed to the point I am seriously considering taking up smoking. I suspect the overworked photographer is also. Upon seeing the photographer it is a given that one of my children will start screaming and writhing on the floor. Either she cannot get any of them to smile or they develop strange pasted on goofy grins. None of them are capable of looking at the camera. After many, many tries we are finally done and the photographer tells me we can go.
What truly amazes me is that after all that trauma, our family Christmas photos turn out so well! Are those freshly scrubbed, angelic faces, in their Sunday best really my family? Gee, now I remember why we send those cards every year.
Disclaimer: Use of this blog is intended for humorous purposes only. It is for light topical use , do not take internally. If the contents of this blog causes discomfort, discontinue use immediately.
