Well... It's been a full week and I've taken my time letting the lonelyness sink in. It really is totally different around the house without him. I dont hear his feet on the hardwood floors in the kitchen... you dont hear his collar jingling as he walks around. I can't pet his soft fur, comforting me and him. It's hard not to see him anymore.

I lived my promise out for him that day. We went in and I gave him his Reeses peanutbutter cup. First they gave him a sedative...And he just laid down. The thing is, when they were giving him the sedative, he was flinching so I grabbed him paw and he relaxed his leg for them. He laid down, so I laid with him. I was bawling... I'll admit it. It was very hard to watch, but I pet him and talked to him the entire time. I told him how much of a big boy he was and how he was my best friend. I told him little things, that'd mean so much if he only understood. I pet him softly, comforting him. Then, once they gave him the overdonse... the life in his eyes ceased to be and he was gone. My baby was gone. My best friend was no more. I dont regret being there though, he needed me more then anyone. I took his collar off and kissed him one last time.

I tell you this because I must write what happened. I held him in my hands as he died. As painful as it was for me, it was twice as peaceful for him. We got him back Wednesday, I went and picked his ashes up. It is good to have him home. I'm looking at pet urns for him but they are very expensive. I will never forget him. For being a dalmatian, he was a great dog and he deserves to live forever in our hearts.

To you, Milo: Thanks for all the great adventures. You'll always be my Pongo and you'll always be my big boy. I wont forget you if you wont forget me. I miss petting you and hearing you whine. I even miss hearing you lap up all that water. Just wait for me. I love you, Boy. I love you. Tell Grandma and Quiche hi. Goodbye.

     Love Stacy

larger view

Well, It's decided again. Milo's date is Friday, the 15th, (2 days from my birthday) to be freed. (We're putting him down.) I'm not so emotional this time. I know he's in alot of pain and I try to help as much as I can, but he wont eat, can't hold down his medicine, and can't even get up the stairs. I understand and as his best friend I will do everything for him. I love him for all he's worth, that being alot. Aaron has loved Milo as his own dog and he's helping me through alot of it. But he's going to go with me and stand my me. He'll go to doggy heaven, (if there is separte heavens for dogs I dont know, but I kinda hope not becuase I want to see him when I get up there.) I want him to be at peace. I know that once we get a place where I can finnally have a dog again, I will probably get another dog. Maybe I'll get a rescued dalmatian. Infact, we're donating money once he dies to a dalmatian rescue place.

We got Milo in Rexburg from some people who my dad's friend knew. I wanted a dalmatian ever since I'd seen 101 Dalmatians (DUH). Well, when we went to look at the puppies, he was the only one left. His dad was massive, while his mom was pretty and lady like. Neither barked. He on the other hand, hid in the flower bed and followed his mother around. He was so cute. I remember very vividly. His dad was so big, one of the kids rode him out from the back to the front. Milo didn't get that big, he's the runt.

I remember on cold days when we wouldn't let him inside, he'd almost gobble at the window. We'd have to drag him across the hard floors because he didn't want to go out alone. He'd love the snow, hated fireworks and guns. But he'd go out and play in the snow with our other dog. I love him. he's been a great dog.

Thanks Milo. You really are the best friend a kid could have.

I can't explain how many time's egzima has destroyed my day, and has ruined my life. It's hard to have any positive thoughts on anything, knowing that I have to be careful of everything I touch. I had a breakout today, this morning. We've been convinced that I'm allergic to down feathers. That caused a huge change in Aaron's life because he loves down blankets. I have to watch everything, coats, blankets, and pillows. I want to cry. It's stresses me out to the point of destruction. There has been suicides due to egzima, and I'm almost to that point... again.

Since I've broken out today, my mom has been asking me what I've touched. It's all over my face and itches like crap. I just want to cry. I've also been cranky though. Not that I like being cranky or want to be mean to everyone around me. Well.. she had to lecture me on that too. I want to cry I'm so stressed. I stressed on the wedding. I stressed on this dolly disease. All I've ever wanted was a normal life. Just to live normally and healthy. I've rather die then live with this. I think I've broken out due to stress since I haven't been around down all week. My eyes itch and my forehead itches. I have so much medicine on I'm probably overdosing. I dont know what to do. No one understands it. Why can't I be cranky and depressed but have no one bugging me about it? Why can't I just have a day of quiet time and relaxation... I have to be bugged and bothered about how mean I've been treating people and how much I've changed... "for the worse". I am trying to be good and nice. I've been faking my whole day to put a smile on everyone's faces. But the second I lash out... I'm the bad guy. I just want to leave this world. I'd guess she'd say that's not me either. I dont know why I'm mad all of a sudden and I dont know why depressed. I just am and just want to be left alone.

I'm sure there's other out there who are in worse conditions and I dont wish these feeling on anyone. I just want to live a simple life... and never will. No doctor can cure me. And becuase it's all over my face and body, I'm forever ugly.