I tend to l ike to philosophize... over mainly nothing. Nothing, itself philosophizes me. I'm am mearly nothing. My life will be mearly nothing. I work at the cemetary, and see headstone and headstone not be visited and even forgotten. They're nothing more then a stone. I'm nothing more then a stone in this world, and will be nothing more then a stone. I'm nothing. I'll always be nothing. I'll work hard for someone to be something... only for them to be nothing as well... What does it take to something? Work, of course, but when we get there, we're spoilded and mostly hated for being something. We become trapped, from being famous to being nothing. If we're famous, everyone envy's us, and we begin to loose our mind with all that we have. Being nothing, we live simplily, happily. But to be forgotten... to be nothing in the end but a rock... Our life is not from being a songwritter but the song being written. Either the song will be great, or dull, it will be a song, only to be forgotten.

This is just the little stuff that comes to my mind. I think I'm screwed up in the head.

Well, to my surprise, Milo gets to live another day. I've noticed and my mom has noticed in his eyes that he's not in unbearable pain. One thing we really dont want to do is put him down too early, but not wait too late. It's the look in his eyes. All he wants is to be with us, to play and give kisses. He's defently enjoyed the recent attention. He's not out of the woods though. Mom's going to cancel the appointment but if we see him in any pain, and misery, he's going in and we're not second guessing again. I feel awful for him. I know he's in pain. I wasn't looking forward to putting him down but I was beginning to come to terms with myself and dealing with it. I've asked God for his help. I know I wasn't ready, but it isn't up to me, it's up to Milo. I know he will let us know when he's ready. Dogs have a way of doing that. If I ever won alot of money, I'd try to make his last day's as comfortable as possible. As a poor college student it's hard to do. I even bought him Reese's cups for tomorrow. I almost wish it was tomorrow becuase I was so ready. But I'm also glad I get another day with him. I have Aaron, the love of my life, and although he can't replace Milo, I can lean on him and allow him to step in. Milo has gone through too many adventures. I could not have been so active and happy without him. I wont ever leave his side, as he's never left mine. And as his best friend, I'll be ready for when he is. But for now, he gets to live. We just have to keep a close eye on him and wait.

I love you Milo, hang in there Pup.

larger view

Well, it's official, my best friend, my dog, Milo, is being put down. He's been having trouble lately and he half fell down the stairs the other day. My dad says that's it. Friday at 4... my best friend and first love will be gone forever. I know it's for the best, and that he'll be out of pain and in "Doggy heaven" but it's hard to imagine life without him. He's never left my side and I wont leave his, even in the end. That's my duty to him. He's been my everything. It's harder now that there's a time restriction on his lfe, we give him more attention and baby him. I'm spoiling him to the max. I can't stop crying. I've been on and off. I cried for 3 hours strait yesterday when I got the news. I just want him to ba happy. He's happy when he's with me. It's hard to look into his eyes and smile now. He just wants love and happiness. I'm 19 years old, almost 20, and I can't take his death. What if I"m not ready for this? I'm almost afraid of ending up going to more counseling after this. He looks at me, Knowing I'm hurting... wanting to comfort me... but it only makes it worse. It's that look. The look that only an animal can give. I can't do it. He's everything to me. I feel awful, like I'm doing wrong. I just have to remember it's for the best. I have to celebrate his life, not morn his death. I love him more than anything. Now my everything, will be nothing. Aaron has tried to help. He hates seeing me like this. He doesn't want to see Milo in pain either. He can't afford to get me another dog, but he promises me one. I find though, he's the only one I can cry on.

Thank you Milo. Even though you may not understand me, Thank you. Thank you for the hikes, the bike rides, the jogs in the morning, and thank you for always keeping my secrets when no one else would. Thank you for keeping me warm on cold winter nights. Thank you for licking my face when I was sad. Thank you for being my protector. Thank You Milo, for being my dog. I enjoyed every smile, every lick, and every game of tag. I loved the walks we had and the adventures we shared. No one else was better to share them with but you. You'll always be my Pongo. I love you.

Love, Stacy