I'm not saying those who dont believe in God is wrong, I'm just telling my story.

I have a depression problem, I'll admit it. In the last week or so, I've had several insidences that were against me and made me mad. I started to become so down, and so many things were happening, I was convinced that God was against me. I was hated my the top dog of them all. I figured if he didn't hate me, that he didn't exsist. I cried and cried. I'll admit I cried as much as I dont want to. I finnally got into the shower late that night and bawled quietly. I gave in and asked him. Talking to him has never dont me any good, and nothing really happens whe nyou ask from it. Except in my possession of Milo... But that was three years of praying. If anyone wishes that badly of something, it should come true for anyone. Anyway, I finnally gave in and asked God why he hated me and why my life was so horrible. Why did I have to have an awsome life and future ahead of me and be so depressed? I should have been happy! Why has he put me in all this pain, all this stress? I honestly try to be a good person, and follow in Jesus's steps of following in the shadow of God. I really do. Why did it have to be who has a loving family and an awsome boyfriend, and awsome friends, why did I have to be depressed? I asked this over and over, saying that he'd forgotten me. Then I did something else. I asked for his pressence in me. I asked for him to guide me and be a light in me. I asked him to the light in my life. I'm not a doubter of God. I wear him aroung my neck and have never taken him off, not for anyone. I pray to him for others, even those who I dont like or dont know. It was now time to pray for myself. I didnt' want to do something stupid and I wanted him to help me along the way. I needed him. Suddenly, I stopped crying, and I felt calm. I cannot explain it other then that. I was calm. I got out of the shower and went to cuddle with my boyfriend. I felt better. i dont think it was the crying, becuase I have a tendency to cry till I'm asleep. I felt so much better. I smiled, and laughed a bit while we watched a show before going to bed. I honestly think I felt him. Its as warm and calming. I was at peace. I beleive it was him.

Thank you my Lord. Lead us the right way, to your kigdom above. Amen.

The first time Aaron, my boyfriend, laid me in his hammock, it felt great and I loved it. I was so soothing to swing back and forth and lay with him. It was his favorite place to sleep, and now mine. The hammock is in his room, so we could nap at any time of the day and any time of the year in it. Well, he also have hard tile floors, which are not only cold in the winter, but hard year round. I'm sure you can see where this is going.

One wonderful evening, we decided to nap in it before dinner. Of course, It's a small hamock and I've got to lay half on him in order to feel safe and secure. We were deep asleep when, in my dream, I was walking and then just fell. I jerked myself awake as I hit the floor in my dream. I only woke to notice that I was on the floor myself. The hammock had torn out of the wall on one end, landing us on the floor. Thankfully, I was only terribly shook up and no physical damage. I swore never to sleep in a hammock becuase I was so shaken up.

God reminded me this weekend of that vow. Aaron and his father fixed the one side, noticing thier faults and ensured me that if I falled out of this one, it wouldn't be beucase the screws in the wall. I had total faith in Aaron and his dad becuase his dad built a house when they were younger. Thus, Aaron got his hammock back up and lured me into sleeping in it. The only reason I was lured easily, was becuase I broke is futon ealier. We were rough housing and he picked me up and threw me onto his bed. The metal bent, and I'm convinced I'm tha fattest person in the world, I agreed to sleep in the hammock. He joked about putting a matress beneith the hammock incase we did fall. "Naw," He said instead. "We'll be fine." Famous last words. Before getting in the hammock, i asked him about the other wall and if he should screw that one in better too. "naw," he said. "It'll be okay." He got in first, swinging it, telling me it was fine. So I go to get in, afraid to fall out of the hammock, I sit in it and steady myself. I hear the walls bend and a creaking sound for both walls. I felt myself fall, this time awake. Not only was I tramatized, but I had landed on my scapula. The other side, the one I was so conserned over, popped out. The fixed side, stayed in place.

I simply looked over at Aaron and shook my head. "Never again." I said while holding back a cry. My rump was hurting badly. I landed on the sid of my hip, It's not bruised, but very tender. It feels great to sit, but to get up or even to walk, it hurts. I glare at Aaron, though his shoulder it tender too. So, unless the hammock is tied to a tree, I'm never laying in one again. Aaron only laughs and says he'll get me into it again someday. I"m just too fat  now, maybe when I've finnally worked off the 15-25 pounds, I'll get back in the hammock. But not untill then. And I warn all of you, dont hang a hammock in you're room without padding on the floor!