I feel like crap, all the time. I'm even on anti-depressents and I still feel bad at times. Why? What happened to the happy-go-lucky century graduate? Geeze I miss her. Instead I stay up worrying about things that will happen years down the road. All I want is to be happy. I almost want to blame Pocatello, but for what? I almost want to blame the school, but for what? For giving me a great childhood? For giving me a great education? I want to cry. I want to sleep and cuddle against my boyfriend untill the next day. I want to skip class. It's just making me feel bad about skipping. Does anyone understand? Sometimes I want to eat alot, others I dont. Some days I want to get out and have an adventure... an adventure...

I've longed for a good adventure. Not so much as an adrenaline rush as an adventure. I want to get out, get lost, and learn. I want to see land not alot of eyes see. I want clean air, little noise, and the need to survive. Does anyone understand. This is more of the feeling you get after watching Lord of the Rings. It's more. This is a long, tiring feeling. Should I blame this? I've joined Search and Rescue for this adventure, but I have yet to have one. I want to save lives, and I do everytime I give blood. So why do I still empty and worthless? Why do I feel my life is so empty and hollow? I need to pack a bag, and get lost. I need to push my survival skills to the max, only to know that I lived. I will never know if I can till I do. And If I dont come back, then I know that I cant. It's a sick thought but I want to. Is this right? Does anyone have the same feelings?

This is a great area for adventures, yet I've been on very few. I haven't been hunting at all this year, that's a major bummer. The bad weather has just bunkered me down into my home where I watch movies on my TV that I have no care about. I play video games that I've already beat. I feel, like a veggie. Not really becuase I can talk and move. But I just feel so useless.