I can't explain how many time's egzima has destroyed my day, and has ruined my life. It's hard to have any positive thoughts on anything, knowing that I have to be careful of everything I touch. I had a breakout today, this morning. We've been convinced that I'm allergic to down feathers. That caused a huge change in Aaron's life because he loves down blankets. I have to watch everything, coats, blankets, and pillows. I want to cry. It's stresses me out to the point of destruction. There has been suicides due to egzima, and I'm almost to that point... again.

Since I've broken out today, my mom has been asking me what I've touched. It's all over my face and itches like crap. I just want to cry. I've also been cranky though. Not that I like being cranky or want to be mean to everyone around me. Well.. she had to lecture me on that too. I want to cry I'm so stressed. I stressed on the wedding. I stressed on this dolly disease. All I've ever wanted was a normal life. Just to live normally and healthy. I've rather die then live with this. I think I've broken out due to stress since I haven't been around down all week. My eyes itch and my forehead itches. I have so much medicine on I'm probably overdosing. I dont know what to do. No one understands it. Why can't I be cranky and depressed but have no one bugging me about it? Why can't I just have a day of quiet time and relaxation... I have to be bugged and bothered about how mean I've been treating people and how much I've changed... "for the worse". I am trying to be good and nice. I've been faking my whole day to put a smile on everyone's faces. But the second I lash out... I'm the bad guy. I just want to leave this world. I'd guess she'd say that's not me either. I dont know why I'm mad all of a sudden and I dont know why depressed. I just am and just want to be left alone.

I'm sure there's other out there who are in worse conditions and I dont wish these feeling on anyone. I just want to live a simple life... and never will. No doctor can cure me. And becuase it's all over my face and body, I'm forever ugly.