Well, we're on our honeymoon in Glacier National Park. We were married 7-11 and up here we're relucant to leave. We've, Aaron and I, are loving the cooler weather and the high mountians. We think we have mountians at Pocatello... we have mountians in MONTANA! But I do miss my home. The mountians are huge here. Just absolutely gorgous. I can't believe their towering height and rocky ledges. We're staying in Whitefish right now and have been here since Thursday. The national park is wonderful and much better than Yellowstone but the fact that the place is not loaded with people. Heh. And we're seen only a few animals. We've seen a couple mountian goats and a moose, which they say is rare. I told them that there's a lot in Pocatello. We've seen no bears.. sad to say. We never see any in Yellowstone either. We've been rafting... horseback riding... and renting a boat... and we'll be hiking tomorrow.

The snow though and the lakes and even the streams.. .all just beautiful. The water is like an agua color.. and just clear. I've never seen such beauty. Most of the residents are old... seemingly understandable since it's awsome up here, and the visitors relaxing. I'd recomend everyone to come up here at least once to just see it all. Take a good week to just take the hikes. You have to hike to acually see the park. There's only one road though it all, "Going To The Sun Road" of course. That's one scary road. I"m not afraid of hights and I was scared of that one. There are easy hikes and hard hikes, and Aaron and I agreed that it'd be one place that most Pocatelloans would enjoy. I find that us Pocatelloans are mostly outdoorsmen and prefer the outdoors to offices and gyms.

With that said, I must get to bed so I can early rise to take one full day of traviling and exploiring. Good Night Pocatello and see you Monday.

Wow... I haven't gotten on here in a long time. I need to do it more often. Heh. I"m going through my first surgery on Thursday.... Tomorrow.... and it's a simple surgery so I have no worries... but I'm scared. I think I have a right to be... I'm not sure. I"m just getting my wisdom teeth.... tooth.... out. But... they are sadating me through IV. That's what I'm wigging out about. I shouldn't be, it'll be nice to catch some Zs. I dont know anymore. I'm thinking about how Milo looked while he was sadated and I have to hold back tears. Maybe I'm scared of being "Put down" though I've asked for the joining with my childhood companion before. I shouldn't be afraid of anything. I'm going to do missing out on work, and I feel absolutely guilty. My boss has been really strict on my work becuase I like to "skip" I guess. I dont. I love my job. I dont take a day off unless I really have to and I feel it's needed. I need the money. Moreover, it's my heaven in this hell. You dont get a job like that very often. So, I have to endure an empty house, and a painful mouth, and a hungry stomach till I can get my life back into my hands. Is this how everone feels? Does anyone actually look forward to a surgery? This is phsyco! Okay, I know that's spelt wrong too. My head hurts from all the thinking. I wonder how many surgeries the average american endures? I dont want to imagine the max anyone's had. Well... I better go to sleep... not like I'll need it. LOL Gnite! And God bless.

I'm sure every mother out there is great, but i couldn't ask for a better one. My mother is a strong, dependent woman, who has raised me to be a child at heart and an adult in mind. She works hard everyday, only becuase she wants to. I have heard my fater tell her she doesn't need the job and I know that my father can take care of her. But she continues to work for herself. She has loved me, taken care of me, and nurtured me. She's always been there, even when times were hard for her. But this year, I am privilaged to see my mom in her prime of joy.

My mother has raised my brother and I both, watched us grow, taught us lifes secrets, and now she's going to see her life move on. One being married and the other graduating high school. Her entire life, her soul and love, is leaving. She stands tall and proud to know that her only two children are grown up and liveing thier own life. I cannot understand the loss she holds, mainly becuase I'm not a mom, but I do know that she's very proud of both of us. To see her only son graduating and going away to the Art Institute of Colorado, and her only daughter getting married soon after and moving out is truely a huge heartbreak. She's so motherly she will have nothing to do nor take care of when we leave...and yet... I see her shine even brighter.

My mother has also taken my wedding planning into her own hands. This is really a large chore for her. While she is organizing this, she is also getting ready for family to come over for Stephen's graduation. I will not try to understand this stress. I work, yes, but planning and organizing anything is a headache for me. I do not handle stress at all. In the mist of loosing her children, she still helps and runs the partys for our entry into the new world. Her plans are delayed becuase she's so busy and I see her more stressed at this time then ever before, having to hold her emotions back to make sure that chores are done.

This Mother's Day, Mom isn't relaxing and sleeping in. She's not sipping wine outside in the cool breeze watching the day goodbye. She's not even watching her favorite shows on TV while we run around doing chores for her. This Mother's Day, like most of the Mother's Day before, she's rushing around the house cleaning and cooking for Dad. When she does decide to take that break, she gets on the computer and looks up wedding stuff for me. She doesn't even have her shows on, mainly since Dad must watch his golf. (Laughs) She has not asked for wine, a padded chair, or a nap. My mother is a model for all women, to be a strong independant woman, and to love and put other's before her own. I dont think i could ever be as wonderful as her, but I can always use her example to make me a better woman.

Thanks Mom, for the world you have given me. There's no more that you could have given me, woman to woman. I love you and Happy Mother's Day.

So, since the death of my great friend, I had to find a new pet to love and enjoy. I already had a goldfish so I updated the take and bought more. I love my fish. It's funny becuase they're just fish but it's more then that... they're my fish. I love them. I dont love them as  uch as I loved Milo but i do love them. The thing is, I can't get the PH down... it's like.... 8.4 or 7.4... Still pretty high... i have a tester and have acid to put in the tank but it wont go down! I've treated it 5 times! I'm getting pretty tired of doing it and i'm worrying about them. I can't figure it out. I've even thought about putting an orange in the tank  to put more acid in it. LOL I dunno. My alge fish died so i have to get another. I have the worst of luck. I want my goldfish to die so my little fishies can live in peace but he's the only one who wont die! LOL I'm never going to have a good pet like a dog. My fish never stay alive long enought to enjoy them, expecially the ones I'm attached to.... Uhg. Anyone have any advise?

Well... It's been a full week and I've taken my time letting the lonelyness sink in. It really is totally different around the house without him. I dont hear his feet on the hardwood floors in the kitchen... you dont hear his collar jingling as he walks around. I can't pet his soft fur, comforting me and him. It's hard not to see him anymore.

I lived my promise out for him that day. We went in and I gave him his Reeses peanutbutter cup. First they gave him a sedative...And he just laid down. The thing is, when they were giving him the sedative, he was flinching so I grabbed him paw and he relaxed his leg for them. He laid down, so I laid with him. I was bawling... I'll admit it. It was very hard to watch, but I pet him and talked to him the entire time. I told him how much of a big boy he was and how he was my best friend. I told him little things, that'd mean so much if he only understood. I pet him softly, comforting him. Then, once they gave him the overdonse... the life in his eyes ceased to be and he was gone. My baby was gone. My best friend was no more. I dont regret being there though, he needed me more then anyone. I took his collar off and kissed him one last time.

I tell you this because I must write what happened. I held him in my hands as he died. As painful as it was for me, it was twice as peaceful for him. We got him back Wednesday, I went and picked his ashes up. It is good to have him home. I'm looking at pet urns for him but they are very expensive. I will never forget him. For being a dalmatian, he was a great dog and he deserves to live forever in our hearts.

To you, Milo: Thanks for all the great adventures. You'll always be my Pongo and you'll always be my big boy. I wont forget you if you wont forget me. I miss petting you and hearing you whine. I even miss hearing you lap up all that water. Just wait for me. I love you, Boy. I love you. Tell Grandma and Quiche hi. Goodbye.

     Love Stacy

Well, It's decided again. Milo's date is Friday, the 15th, (2 days from my birthday) to be freed. (We're putting him down.) I'm not so emotional this time. I know he's in alot of pain and I try to help as much as I can, but he wont eat, can't hold down his medicine, and can't even get up the stairs. I understand and as his best friend I will do everything for him. I love him for all he's worth, that being alot. Aaron has loved Milo as his own dog and he's helping me through alot of it. But he's going to go with me and stand my me. He'll go to doggy heaven, (if there is separte heavens for dogs I dont know, but I kinda hope not becuase I want to see him when I get up there.) I want him to be at peace. I know that once we get a place where I can finnally have a dog again, I will probably get another dog. Maybe I'll get a rescued dalmatian. Infact, we're donating money once he dies to a dalmatian rescue place.

We got Milo in Rexburg from some people who my dad's friend knew. I wanted a dalmatian ever since I'd seen 101 Dalmatians (DUH). Well, when we went to look at the puppies, he was the only one left. His dad was massive, while his mom was pretty and lady like. Neither barked. He on the other hand, hid in the flower bed and followed his mother around. He was so cute. I remember very vividly. His dad was so big, one of the kids rode him out from the back to the front. Milo didn't get that big, he's the runt.

I remember on cold days when we wouldn't let him inside, he'd almost gobble at the window. We'd have to drag him across the hard floors because he didn't want to go out alone. He'd love the snow, hated fireworks and guns. But he'd go out and play in the snow with our other dog. I love him. he's been a great dog.

Thanks Milo. You really are the best friend a kid could have.

I can't explain how many time's egzima has destroyed my day, and has ruined my life. It's hard to have any positive thoughts on anything, knowing that I have to be careful of everything I touch. I had a breakout today, this morning. We've been convinced that I'm allergic to down feathers. That caused a huge change in Aaron's life because he loves down blankets. I have to watch everything, coats, blankets, and pillows. I want to cry. It's stresses me out to the point of destruction. There has been suicides due to egzima, and I'm almost to that point... again.

Since I've broken out today, my mom has been asking me what I've touched. It's all over my face and itches like crap. I just want to cry. I've also been cranky though. Not that I like being cranky or want to be mean to everyone around me. Well.. she had to lecture me on that too. I want to cry I'm so stressed. I stressed on the wedding. I stressed on this dolly disease. All I've ever wanted was a normal life. Just to live normally and healthy. I've rather die then live with this. I think I've broken out due to stress since I haven't been around down all week. My eyes itch and my forehead itches. I have so much medicine on I'm probably overdosing. I dont know what to do. No one understands it. Why can't I be cranky and depressed but have no one bugging me about it? Why can't I just have a day of quiet time and relaxation... I have to be bugged and bothered about how mean I've been treating people and how much I've changed... "for the worse". I am trying to be good and nice. I've been faking my whole day to put a smile on everyone's faces. But the second I lash out... I'm the bad guy. I just want to leave this world. I'd guess she'd say that's not me either. I dont know why I'm mad all of a sudden and I dont know why depressed. I just am and just want to be left alone.

I'm sure there's other out there who are in worse conditions and I dont wish these feeling on anyone. I just want to live a simple life... and never will. No doctor can cure me. And becuase it's all over my face and body, I'm forever ugly.

I tend to l ike to philosophize... over mainly nothing. Nothing, itself philosophizes me. I'm am mearly nothing. My life will be mearly nothing. I work at the cemetary, and see headstone and headstone not be visited and even forgotten. They're nothing more then a stone. I'm nothing more then a stone in this world, and will be nothing more then a stone. I'm nothing. I'll always be nothing. I'll work hard for someone to be something... only for them to be nothing as well... What does it take to something? Work, of course, but when we get there, we're spoilded and mostly hated for being something. We become trapped, from being famous to being nothing. If we're famous, everyone envy's us, and we begin to loose our mind with all that we have. Being nothing, we live simplily, happily. But to be forgotten... to be nothing in the end but a rock... Our life is not from being a songwritter but the song being written. Either the song will be great, or dull, it will be a song, only to be forgotten.

This is just the little stuff that comes to my mind. I think I'm screwed up in the head.

Well, to my surprise, Milo gets to live another day. I've noticed and my mom has noticed in his eyes that he's not in unbearable pain. One thing we really dont want to do is put him down too early, but not wait too late. It's the look in his eyes. All he wants is to be with us, to play and give kisses. He's defently enjoyed the recent attention. He's not out of the woods though. Mom's going to cancel the appointment but if we see him in any pain, and misery, he's going in and we're not second guessing again. I feel awful for him. I know he's in pain. I wasn't looking forward to putting him down but I was beginning to come to terms with myself and dealing with it. I've asked God for his help. I know I wasn't ready, but it isn't up to me, it's up to Milo. I know he will let us know when he's ready. Dogs have a way of doing that. If I ever won alot of money, I'd try to make his last day's as comfortable as possible. As a poor college student it's hard to do. I even bought him Reese's cups for tomorrow. I almost wish it was tomorrow becuase I was so ready. But I'm also glad I get another day with him. I have Aaron, the love of my life, and although he can't replace Milo, I can lean on him and allow him to step in. Milo has gone through too many adventures. I could not have been so active and happy without him. I wont ever leave his side, as he's never left mine. And as his best friend, I'll be ready for when he is. But for now, he gets to live. We just have to keep a close eye on him and wait.

I love you Milo, hang in there Pup.

 

Well, it's official, my best friend, my dog, Milo, is being put down. He's been having trouble lately and he half fell down the stairs the other day. My dad says that's it. Friday at 4... my best friend and first love will be gone forever. I know it's for the best, and that he'll be out of pain and in "Doggy heaven" but it's hard to imagine life without him. He's never left my side and I wont leave his, even in the end. That's my duty to him. He's been my everything. It's harder now that there's a time restriction on his lfe, we give him more attention and baby him. I'm spoiling him to the max. I can't stop crying. I've been on and off. I cried for 3 hours strait yesterday when I got the news. I just want him to ba happy. He's happy when he's with me. It's hard to look into his eyes and smile now. He just wants love and happiness. I'm 19 years old, almost 20, and I can't take his death. What if I"m not ready for this? I'm almost afraid of ending up going to more counseling after this. He looks at me, Knowing I'm hurting... wanting to comfort me... but it only makes it worse. It's that look. The look that only an animal can give. I can't do it. He's everything to me. I feel awful, like I'm doing wrong. I just have to remember it's for the best. I have to celebrate his life, not morn his death. I love him more than anything. Now my everything, will be nothing. Aaron has tried to help. He hates seeing me like this. He doesn't want to see Milo in pain either. He can't afford to get me another dog, but he promises me one. I find though, he's the only one I can cry on.

Thank you Milo. Even though you may not understand me, Thank you. Thank you for the hikes, the bike rides, the jogs in the morning, and thank you for always keeping my secrets when no one else would. Thank you for keeping me warm on cold winter nights. Thank you for licking my face when I was sad. Thank you for being my protector. Thank You Milo, for being my dog. I enjoyed every smile, every lick, and every game of tag. I loved the walks we had and the adventures we shared. No one else was better to share them with but you. You'll always be my Pongo. I love you.

Love, Stacy